The Not so Dirty Little Secret
by MatsuroSky
Summary: Ichigo has a secret, a secret so mortifying, he never wanted to be caught, too bad he was. No pairings! Complete Crack, Just for fun, First fic!


A/n: Oh my I can't believe I wrote this, this is utter crack and my poor attempt at humour. For the record, I have no issues with Ichigo/Ishida, it just fit the story! And this is for a friend who loves Ichigo/Orihime, so that's why it's in there. Be nice, This is also The first fic I have ever written.

There are spoiler's if you are not keeping up with the manga, or watching the Japanese episodes!

All character's are probably in some degree OOC!

Constructive Criticism and nice words welcomed! Enjoy

P.s: This is in no way shape or for beta'd, so I apologise in advance for all spelling and grammar mistakes.

* * *

Ichigo has a secret. Not that he was a Shinigami, not that he was a Vizard, not the he was secretly in love with Orihime, what we all no it's true. No, oh no, this secret was the most top secret, of horribly traumatizing if ever got out, secret of them all.

And, someone just caught him in the act. How could this happen, his life was over. Ichigo had taken all the precautionary measure to insure that he would not get caught. He had left his corporeal body safely tucked away at home, and had even went Bankai to ensure his quick escape.

But there Chad was, Ichigo's best friend since that fateful day of kicking butt under the bridge, looking at him in complete surprise, well as much surprise as our half Mexican half Japanese friend could express.

Ichigo slowly let go of the window sill he was hanging onto, dropping at least six stories in the process, luckily being a shinigami automatically gave him immunity to the pesky force called gravity. And, he landed with a soft thump.

'Okay' Ichigo thought to himself 'I have some options here, I could A: run like hell, and pretend this never happened, B: Hit Chad in the head and hope he receives amnesia C: lie like I've never lied before or D: tell the truth'

Not being overly fond of option A because he was never one to run away, no matter how tempting it was. Being completely opposed to option B for obvious reasons, and not wanting to tell the truth for fear of utter mortification, it looked like the only option left was C. Now Ichigo could lie like the best of them, the only problem was that this was Chad, and Chad could detect lies like the best of them.

Before Ichigo could start to weave a plausible explanation that didn't contain a hint of truth, Chad spoke.

"Ichigo.", He said slowly "why were you crawling out of Ishida's window in the middle of the night?"

Ichigo's face went red, and he tried to hide a bag behind him. Chad seeing the blush, but missing the bag, immediately went to the most obvious answer, especially in this kind of situation.

"Oh..." Chad said, eyes widening, "I never realized..."

Ichigo swore under his breath, 'damn that Chad' he thought, face now resembling his name, 'damn him for being so observant'

"It's not what it looks like, I swear Chad!" The orange haired teenager almost screeched in denial, shaking his head violently.

He started wishing that a hollow would attack, the ground would swallow him whole, or maybe Urahara would come around the corner dancing the cha-cha in a tutu with Yourichi, anything! Figuring that the last option was the most probable Ichigo frantically looked towards the corner of the street.

"It's okay Ichigo," Chad spoke, in a placating way, "I won't judge you"

As Ichigo half listened to Chad's surprisingly out of character speech, he gave up on Urahara, seriously where was the guy when you really needed him, and tried for spontaneous combustion instead.

"True love should never be held down by gender..." Chad Continued.

Catching the last bit of the long winded monolouge, Ichigo started to sputter, "W-wait, what!!!?"

Chad looked at him reassuringly, putting a hand on his shoulder,

"Don't worry Ichigo; I'm sure everyone will be accepting to Ishida's and your relationship."

The substitute shingami's jaw hit the ground with a loud bang. He stared for a long moment at his friend; there was no way in hell that he had heard him right. In the back of his mind he could vaguely hear what sounded like his hollow cackling like a hyena. This was all Keigo's fault, he was always saying things like that, Ichigo was sure, and he was so going to kick his ass if he survived this.

Trying to do damage control, Ichigo started to explain that that was definitely not the case to his, obviously, severely confused friend.

"God no! No, no, no, no! Not like I have anything against people who are like that, just no Chad. That was not why I was their!"

'Shit' Ichigo thought, as Chad looked at him unconvinced. 'Kay now Ichigo, think logically here, what's worse, Chad really finding out what you were doing or thinking that you are in a homosexual relationship with Ishida'

It was hardest decision he had ever had to make in his life.

* * *

"these are... surprisingly soft", Chad said "and very comfy".

"Yeah, I know!" Ichigo exclaimed, relieved that Chad was taking this so well, in fact he might have another partner in crime.

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions Ichigo" Chad spoke, petting the soft fabric on his shoulders, no wonder Ishida always wore these, who knew!

"No worries, No worries," Ichigo laughed, he was so relieved. Settling down on his bed, he started reading the new Issue of Shonen jump that he swiped from his sister's room. He shouldn't have worried; I mean It was Chad, if anybody would be accepting of his newly found obsession it would be his best friend.

"At first I just started to steal them, because you know, there just so lame" The substitute shinigami scrunched up his nose in distaste at the Quincy's choice of clothing. "But It was freezing on the way back so I just slipped one on, and I mean it was the most comfortable thing I have ever worn in my life"

He looked over, very seriously, at Chad. "You know that no one must ever know of this. Our reputation wouldn't be able to handle it."

Chad nodded in complete understanding, not to mention what Ishida would do if he figured out where all his capes have gone missing to. Thinking about that, the Quincy had mentioned his clothing going missing quite a long time ago.

"Ichigo, How long have you been stealing Ishida's capes for?"

Ichigo looked smug, "for like months now, hasn't sensed me once, and he thinks he's so great" the substitute shinigami snorted.

"That means you must have taken quite a few by now, how come you're still doing it"

"Well you see... Ishida's a pretty small guy, so when you move in them they just kind a,"

Chad straightened, and a loud ripping sound filled the room.

"tear" The orange haired shinigami finished.

"Oh"

"Yeah, that's why I've only tried to fit in the whole outfit once, it wasn't a pretty site"

"...Oh"

* * *

Ichigo and Chad had a secret, a secret of all secrets. Not that Ichigo had a crazy hollow living inside his head, not that Chad's arms were dangerous weapons, not that they both secretly loved Chappy the rabbit more than Rukia, okay forget the last one. A secret so secret that if it ever got out it would be the end of them.

And, someone had just caught them in the act.

"Chad? Ichigo?! What are you two doing crawling out if Ishida-kun's window in the middle of the night?!" Orihime Inoue yelled her eyes wide, and her face scarlet.

Ichigo immediately went to Inoue and tried explain that it was definitely not that, and why did you all think like that anyway, this was all Keigo's fault he knew it!

Chad, horrified, stared at the corner; hopping maybe Byakuya would show up proclaiming his undying love for Zaraki and distract Orihime so he could make a break for it.

Across town, Keigo cried like a baby in his sleep, subconsciously sensing immediate doom when he went to school tomorrow.

Ishida was honoured with a life time membership at the 24 hour sewing store for purchasing so much fabric and thread, he never did figure out what was going on but he had his suspicions. Which, by the way, he would test by making three Quincy capes of varying sizes and giving them away on Christmas, to three certain people. Maybe then they would stop disappearing, they were comfy damnit.

And, Urahara had the strangest urge to go find Yourichi, wonder by Uryuu's place wearing a tutu and do the cha-cha. Deciding that trusting your instincts was the best thing to do, he went in search for the women turned black cat, and who knows maybe he'd save someone from utter mortification.

But, that my friends, is a different story.

* * *

A/n: So, Umm yeah, Thanks for reading! ^^


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